Old Testament

Old Testament Deletions:

And God said “Let there be light“, and there was light and God said, “It was the fuse after all!”

God divided the darkness from the light. And God said, ” Wow. I’ve invented the switch.”

God called the light, “Day“. He called the darkness, “Not paying the electricity bill”. And God said, “I really must set up a direct debit”.

And God divided the waters on the face of the earth. He called one “hot” and the other “cold”. And he created the tap with the red label to go with the hot water, and with the blue label to go with the cold water. And God said, “If they don‘t understand that, there‘s no hope for them”.

And God created a multitude of creatures: birds of the air, fish in the seas and animals on the land. And God said,”David Attenborough needs something interesting to talk about”.

God created man in his own image. And God said, ”Perhaps the long white hair and flowing beard is too old fashioned? Not too sure about the white toga either”.

God thought, “Six days have I laboured, so it’s time for a rest. I might even call in sick on Monday if I’m not in the mood to work.”

The serpent said to Eve, “If you eat of this apple you will have the knowledge of good and evil”. And Eve replied, “You can tempt me with bananas and grapes, but apples are a non starter. Well, maybe a juicy French Golden Delicious without any blemishes, if you have one.”

Bob