The old crones (9)

I've been meaning to ask Gladys, does your Alf know you practice the craft? Doesn't he ever ask you where you're going and what you're doing?
Don't be daft Maud. Alf is far too busy wiv his hobbies he ain't got time for nowt else. He idolises his racing pigeons, loves his greyhounds, follows the horses and is in three dominoe teams at different pubs. He's always asking for overtime at the mine as he's got a new project: racing snails! He says it will soon become a national craze and he wants to be there at the beginning.

Do you ever get chance to see him or talk to him then?
'Course I do. He never stops talking at the table letting me know what he's been up to. Bless him. Half the time I don't understand what he's on about. It's then that I tell him I've got to go to a meeting, or there's a coven convention or whatever. He just says yes I should go but be wary about any strange men. I usually reply that I should be so lucky, but by then he's off in his little world again.

So do you still have hanky-panky then?
To be honest Maud I'm not really fussed. When he goes to bed he's out like a light. He's such a lovely husband I hate to wake him up. He works so hard to provide for me and the seven kids. I do have my secret fantasies. Ooooooooo Bruce Willis !!!

Bertram sounds just the same. He always cuddles me after tea on Sunday night and says tonight's the night and I'd better be ready, willing and able. I put on my sexy nightdress, with the socks and cap, and wait for him in the bed. We have kisses and cuddles and then he falls asleep and snores. In the morning he always asks if I enjoyed it or was he too rough and manly. I have to bite me lip sometimes to stop laughing. I couldn't tell him he just falls asleep and his imagination does the rest. But, I wouldn't swap him for the world. But now you've mentioned him, Bruce Willis Oooooooooooooo Aaaaaaaaaaaaa Nnnnnnnnnnn.